Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Self Preservation

I grew up trying to be "perfect". Portray the "perfect" imagine, have the "perfect" reputation. I wasn't judgmental of others, but my striving perfection definitely kept others at a distance.

I always thought my ministry would be "pretty". You know...the fun, "fluffy" stuff that was maybe impactful, but more light hearted than heavy. But this...sharing the deepest, rawest and most wounded parts of my heart? Helping other women struggling through the deep heart break in their lives when I don't feel healed myself? That feels risky. That feels vulnerable.

Letting my guard down. Opening up to strangers, yet they are my sisters in Christ. People can relate when you're real, but no one benefits when you only present the image you want others to see. You don't help anyone that way. Self preservation...but for what? Why am I or was I striving to preserve myself? There is SO much freedom in not.

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